BBW 2015

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BBW (breakthrough weekend) was indeed a weekend of breakthrough. I went with some reluctance, given my last not-so-good BBW experience and the fact that I would be away again from Ethan, but my sense of responsibility made me go. I didn’t realise that I would be the main announcer of the retreat cause I was just told to “lead gel and welcome people” and I in fact prepared more for my sharing than what turned out to be main duty.

In the end, I didn’t get to share due to lack of time and I thought it was really funny and ironic cause I had meant to share about my journey of always feeling that I was not good enough, not pretty enough, not slim enough, not smart enough…and how I had carried that with me until God broke through and told me that even though there may be times that I had been someone’s 2nd choice, I am never second best to Him. He is sufficient for me and I am good enough because He says so. That has been a godly belief and truth I have clung on to and over the years, my sense of assurance have arisen and I have “gotten over” my insecurity faster and faster.

Imagine how surprised I was at this retreat that when minutes before I was going to speak, JP comes over to tell me that they are cutting me due to lack of time. Although I didn’t express it, my first thoughts were that they must be cutting me cause I am not good enough. And just as quickly, I could hear the Lord saying, “remember, you are good enough. They have no time.” So I focused on that and later in the privacy of my room as I reflected, I was simultaneously awed and amused at the timing of my being canned. It was as if God was putting me instantly to the test the very thing I was about to share. If I hadn’t experienced an earlier breakthrough, there was no way I would have made it through this perceived rejection. I would probably need another RTF session to be ministered hahah.

Other than this very personal ongoing work that God is doing, I enjoyed my group of girls very much and their sharing plus the nice hotel room and BREAKFAST. I so super looked forward to breakfast each day and relished every bite. They serve freshly baked croissants! And noodles. Yumm. I also got to nap and sleep uninterrupted, of which I am eternally grateful. I have nothing much to complain about with Ethan sleeping mostly from 8pm to 8am but somehow I dont sleep as deeply cause a part of me is subconsciously tuned to listening out for his cries. This gift of sleep was very much appreciated.

One of the intercessors also said she saw a vision of many children running towards me and it was a happy image. Reminds me of what the KYMC person prayed for me 3 years ago. Maybe a move to kids-related ministry in time? or maybe its what I will be experiencing soon in Cebu when we perform to the kids (:
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Managed to skype Daddy Ong and Ethan once during the retreat with him yelling excitedly “mama mama” and it was sweet to be hugged and kissed all over when I got home (:

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