This long overdue post is finally happening!
I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and feeling + looking really huge. I have difficulty seeing Ethan when he hugs my legs and it’s getting harder to put my socks on. Can I say with all honesty how much I do NOT enjoy being this big? I love the babies to come, and the concept of the wonder of life growing within me but the various inconveniences, pains and aches that come with it isn’t something I enjoy. A few weeks ago, one of Ethan’s classmate’s mama looked at me and said she missed being pregnant and she knows she’s done with having more kids but she just loved her bump and breastfeeding and the whole works. I smiled weakly.
Without wanting to come across as a total ingrate for having this gift of lives within me, I have to say that if I could skip this 9 weighty months and just have the babies right in my arms, I would be most happy. There I have said it. *awaits judgment*
More than the initial bloatedness in my first trimester and some very intense lower belly pains in this week of my second trimester are some of the inane comments people make to me. Mostly thankfully by people not close to me. I listed my top 2 in my previous posts. Here’s more:
- OMG you are so big! (give me a break, I have 2 placentas – 2 balls of water inside me)
- Are you giving birth next month? (you wont believe how many people have asked me this, and how they looked SO SHOCKED when I say December)
- You dont look as sick ah as your first pregnancy (that’s comforting)
- Can I touch your belly? (or some just simply, touch)
- Don’t overeat (…I am actually glad I can even eat! And yes I look like I have 2 watermelons within me but trust me when I say my actual weight gain is only at 4-5kg)
Is it any wonder that some women have perinatal depression followed by post-natal depression??? Like you are already experiencing the physical pains that comes with being weighty, and being very self-conscious about weight then topping it with having people say unnecessary stuff in your face can be quite annoying.
The most epic and offensive one though has to be my Tuesday encounter with the MO (medical officer). I had been experiencing pretty intense pains for about 2 days in my lower belly. It felt like a combination of cramps, stitches and someone pulling me from within. Because I didnt experience this in my first pregnancy, and I didnt for this until now, I was naturally concerned. I thought it might be braxton hicks but sometimes the pain was so intense, I couldnt stand up straight or even lie on my side. I know with a twin preg plus my lupus (though in remission), I was a high risk case, and I wanted to be careful without being paranoid. Since I had a thyroid checkup on Tuesday at SGH anyway, I decided to pop by the O&G to talk to the assessing nurse.
She touched my stomach and said “ok babies are moving but lets get you checked”. She asked for my ic and when she saw my name, she just looked up and said “was your last baby 3 years ago? I remember your case”. I felt so emotional at that moment for some reason. Anyway, she then quickly said she will take no risk and brought me up to the high-risk clinic. My gynae wasn’t in but they would run the usual tests just to make sure baby heartbeat is ok and I wasn’t actually contracting/pre-term labour. So they hooked me up and strapped the CTG stuff on me, and it felt like back then with Ethan. One twin was very calm and cooperative so they could track the heartbeat easily while the other is a copy of Ethan!! Kept kicking the monitoring device and “running” around so that took a while. Since gynae wasn’t in, the MO attended to me, and she asked as do many of the staff if my twins were “spontaneous/natural”. Finally, I asked back “Is there a difference between IVF twins and natural twins?” My intent was purely biological but her answer stunned me. She replied, “err..ivf twins are more precious?”
If I wasn’t hooked up and my blood pressure wasn’t being tracked, I think I would have said alot more. But I didn’t at that moment cause I was so aghast at her insensitivity. Why would doctors especially say such stupid things to a patient at her most vulnerable? Of course when I collected myself and was alone, I told the twins they are pretty darn special and dont need to feel otherwise. Every child is precious to God!
In other news, Kwee and I are attending a 17-week parenting course and we have been learning much from it, and enjoying this journey of parenting Ethan. This is quite possibly my favourite age so far though I do enjoy every season we are in. He can actually have mini conversations with us now, telling me about his pals J & J in school, H & J in church, and even recount some things he does in the day! He’s also able to sing a few songs on repeat, and loves animals plus books. It’s such a treat to read to him at the end of a work day or in the mornings I am off before he goes to school. We have also been talking to him about the twins so he intentionally goes to each side of my belly to kiss them daily and say hello!
Recent conversations we have had:
E: *points to a picture card* Mama, I like these cookies
Me: Do you like mama more or cookies more?
Me: what!! mama is sad
E: *throws card away* I like Mama! Mama, hug Ethan!
2. Favourite drinks
Me: What does mama like to drink?
Me: how about Daddy?
E: Mmm. Water.
Such a cute age.